I was divorced from my first husband for 21 years before I hit the proverbial lottery and managed to get this one to say “I do.” I was young for that first marriage — awfully, painfully, irritatingly young. He was a nice guy — a decade older than me — but to this day, I cannot fathom how on earth I ever could’ve been immature enough to find him at all interesting. I’m also at a loss to explain why I didn’t listen to what my mother had to say on the subject, epic Wise Woman that she is. The only possible excuse I can muster is that he was pretty cute, and I was 20 years old. My brain wasn’t yet fully formed.
In the intervening years between the demise of my first marriage and the start of my second, I had occasion to see other relationships up close — both those that seemed built on bedrock and those that everyone in their right minds could see racing toward termination. I began to notice, of all things, the women’s wedding rings. Admittedly, it’s more than probable that the highly unscientific study that follows was based solely on my own short-lived and ill-advised first marriage; but it also seems to me that this is the way with all the real-life and common sense knowledge we acquire in our time on the planet, so I’m gonna go ahead and keep talking.
Anyway. I like shimmer and glitz and shine as much as the next girl, and I had even more appreciation for it as a 20-year-old. That first wedding ring was cookie-cutter, yellow gold, part of a 3 piece set. All of the pieces had diamonds, albeit only small ones. The existence of the diamonds in my ring(s) was (at the time) more important to me than their size. I was insistent on bling to such an extent that I didn’t even make a thing out of preferring white gold. I detest yellow gold. It looks horrible against my skin. But it was what everybody else had, and I was by God gonna keep up with the Joneses.
The good news is, when I got divorced a year later, it was no problem at all to pawn my rings. =)
What I began to notice in the years after my divorce was the frequency with which the blingy ringed people got divorced vs. the people who wore simple gold or silver bands. Also, the folks who had huge, massive-debt-incurring weddings vs. those who were married at a courthouse or in Grandpa’s barn. Seriously…I know there are exceptions to the rule here (I can think of at least a few of my own friends), but if you really look around, take stock, and ask questions, you’d be amazed at the extent to which this shit holds true. (Heh…I’ve also seen it where the couple did the big wedding and the blingy rings and then stayed together for 50 years when they absolutely should have gotten divorced ten minutes after they were married because staying together was obviously no good for anyone involved.) In any case, I saw it often enough that it changed my entire way of thinking about marriage and about weddings in general. I told anyone who would listen that if I ever got married again, it would be in a courthouse, and we’d both have simple wedding bands.
Mostly, that’s exactly what I did. We were married in a courthouse, and our families stood up with us. Hubby has a simple titanium band. I, however, ended up re-purposing my mom’s (very shimmery) wedding ring (which she’d had custom made into a dinner ring some years before). Hubby and I had it fitted with a new, thicker band and plated with white gold to cover the yellow. I adore the thing. It makes me happy every time I look at it, but not because of the diamonds. No…I love it because it’s one of a kind. It’s like nothing anyone else possesses or has ever seen.
Which coincidentally is exactly how I feel about my husband, my mom, and the family I married into. Even if it had no shimmer at all, it would still shine.
via WordPress Daily Prompt — Shimmer