My cat has kitty breath. I know this because he’s sitting on the arm of the couch leaning against my arm, periodically meowing in his beseeching little kitten voice. He’s not a kitten anymore. In fact, he’s five years old and freakin’ huge. But when he addresses his mother (me), he uses a different voice — the same one he used when he was little and afraid something was going to get him. Nothing ever did.
He doesn’t like it when I sit the computer in my lap and type. In fact, he pretty much hates the computer on principle. Although it is equipped with rubber feet, he tries diligently to push it off the counter when I put it on the charger at night. And when he finally gives up on attempting to move it, he lays down on it, determined that if it will not die, then at least I won’t have access to it.
I like his smarts. When I’m not paying attention to him, he walks around doing all the things he’s not supposed to until I get up with the water bottle and chase him around the house. Once I’ve sprayed him, he follows me back to my chair and gets on my lap before I have the chance to put anything else there. Sonny is better at recognizing the worried tone in my voice than any dog I’ve ever had. If I’m looking for him and can’t find him, he comes to my side as soon as I call, sometimes still yawning and stretching from his nap. When we see one another, I say “there you are,” and he meows in response as if to say “hell yes I am, crazy woman.” Sometimes I think he just talks to hear himself talk, much like his mother. We spend an inordinate amount of time meowing back and forth at one another, a pastime that my husband finds more amusing than he probably should.
Sonny, I think, is a lot of the reason why I ended up married to Hubby. Aside from me, there is no one else on the planet besides him that my smart and evil kitty can stand. Sonny moves from one of our laps to the other while we sit in front of the television; he greets us both when we come home; and he walks across both of our chests at night when we’re going to sleep. Sonny and I agreed on Hubby, otherwise I’d probably still be single.
Kitty Boy might be evil (and unlikable as far as other people are concerned), but he has undeniable good taste.